Just Fine

There came a time in my life when the stream of thought that my consciousness offered my animal was constantly negative. This lead to fear, anger, self-loathing and all kinds of negative emotions. After a lengthy time of thinking that way, my sleep began to be effected and I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. It got so bad that I couldn't go to work and was often found hiding in the back of my bedroom closet. I ended up on some anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic and sleep inducing medications.

That was a couple years ago and I am now off of all of those medications except for the smallest dose possible of the anti-anxiety medication, effexor xr. I'm not near as prone to negative thoughts any more, although I occasionally go overboard in attempts to keep the negative thoughts of others from effecting me. (this brings their negative thoughts closer into focus and ends up being counter productive for me)

This manifests as constantly avoiding a co-worker who has nothing but negative comments regarding even the most mundane aspects of the news. However, even that avoidance is a negative thought or vibrational grouping of thoughts (self ilicited fear of what one might do or say regarding the negative individual).

Over time, I'm finding that avoidance isn't the answer. Direct confrontation is not the answer either as you constantly feel you are defending your position (your position being one that you should be able to be at peace with).

I'm finding that the only solution to keep one's own sanity is to listen, or at least pretend to listen and give this one obligitory answer... "Just Fine."

The En's and Out's of Inter and Enter

An associate of mine, of who I have about 9 years of history with recently asked me about how to spell interconnect, posing the question 'is it spelled with EN or IN?'
He then went on to complain about 'those' words. I asked 'what words?'
He said, 'those words like enter that can be spelled with an i or an e.'
I paused for a moment, knowing that this man is by no means an idiot, I meekishly stated 'one is in as inter and one is enn as enter.'
He then stated very plainly and matter of fact 'I don't hear a difference.'

At first I was dumbfounded and my first reaction was to think ill of his intellect, ruminating on how that kind of idiocy was the source of most of his problems, and possibly to blame for the problems of the world.

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I have to digress for a moment here and state that those types of thoughts about ANYONE liked, loved or hated are based in a meme that has no power to uplift people or bring them together. That thought is the noticing that something is out of place and you can react against it and make more contrast or you can recognize it for what it is and decide to make the situation better, because if you don't... who will.

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Later on, I realized that a very large portion of our negative interactions that I thought were due to things he simply couldn't understand (which leads me to a feeling of superiority) were actually due to things that he couldn't even perceive. How can I expect him to know and interact with what I see as the truth of the matter when he can't perceive the simplest things that I'm basing my interaction on.

I don't know the solution to this. We can't throw these incomplete perceivers out of society... however it is folly to to allow them to have a say over us if they can't (or refuse to) see the whole picture. I know that the answer will be positive, conscientious and agreeable to all, I just can't percieve it when I hold anyone in a focus of inferiority.